


The Relationship Goals™ Competition

by covetsubjugation



Series: The Infamous Story of 'The Squad' [49]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 08:16:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8197496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covetsubjugation/pseuds/covetsubjugation
Summary: "dosiaaaare you saying we should have a relationship goals competition
get ur own diccbring it"
*The question of the ages is being answered. Who is the cuter couple: Theo and Aaron, or the Poly Squad?





	

**the squad**   **  
**_aaron burr, angel, ayyyymaria, baguette fucker, better than you, disney god, dosiaaa, eliza, fight me, get ur own dicc, jamesmadd, peggy_

**ayyyymaria  
** okay so  
i think i figured it out

**dosiaaa  
**!!  
is this about your job

**ayyyymaria  
** yeah  
so  
after yesterday’s kitchen disaster

**dosiaaa  
** sorry about that

**ayyyymaria  
** i realised that i like baking  
but i don’t like doing the whole counter customer thing  
there’s a new cafe opening downtown  
and i’m applying there for the baker’s position  
and avoid customers

**angel  
** that’s great!

**ayyyymaria  
** yeah and it’s a really small cafe so it should be manageable

**peggy  
** and if worse comes to worse, you can whap someone over the head with a baking tin

**ayyyymaria  
** that is a solid suggestion

**peggy  
** hell yeah  
also!!!  
today is a very special day  
it’s me and maria’s anniversary!!

**get ur own dicc  
** congrats!

**ayyyymaria  
** shit wait what  
it’s today?  
has time passed that fast  
i didn’t get you anything i’m so sorry!!

**peggy  
** ,,,  
i’m kiDDING  
no it’s a very special date today

**eliza  
** oH OH I THINK I KNOW  
ON OCTOBER 3RD HE ASKED ME WHAT DATE IT WAS

**peggy  
** DING DING DING  
IT’S OCTOBER 3RD

**ayyyymaria  
** i can’t believe you gave me a heart attack for a mean girls joke

**baguette fucker  
** mean girls is iconic

**disney god  
** is that why you woke us up today by jumping on the bed and screaming, “iT'S OCTOBER 3RD”

**baguette fucker  
** yes  
and we should watch mean girls

**disney god  
** you woke me up before i was ready i should be killing you instead

**baguette fucker  
** you love me

**disney god  
** that is true unfortunately  
the real question is  
how did alex sleep through that

**get ur own dicc  
** he can sleep through a lot of things  
if you know what i mean ((((((((((((((((((((;

**aaron burr  
** Everyone knows what you mean

**jamesmadd  
** why so grumpy

**fight me  
** hold up i can sense aaron burr is upset and i am awake

**aaron burr  
** It’s work

**dosiaaa  
** want me to come visit you

**aaron burr  
** Not really  
I’m in a bad mood and I’m not exactly fit for human company

**fight me  
** what’s up with work

**aaron burr  
** The internet is down and everything is backing up

**eliza  
** so how are you messaging us

**aaron burr  
** I’m using data  
And running out of it

**angel  
** messaging apps don’t take up that much data

**aaron burr  
** My Spotify started downloading songs and it ate up my data

**dosiaaa  
** yikes

**better than you  
** Human Disaster™ Aaron Burr

**aaron burr  
** At least Alex gave me his work on a thumbdrive so I can still work

**fight me  
** are you saying i made work easier for you today

**aaron burr  
** I didn’t say anything

**fight me  
** @ **dosiaaa** i have risen in the ranks of your boyfriend’s heart

**dosiaaa  
** wanna bet

**fight me  
** fight me

**angel  
** children please

**dosiaaa  
** @ **aaron burr** if you had to save alex or me from a burning house who would you save

**aaron burr  
** Myself, because this conversation right here is the burning house

**peggy  
** nicely done

**aaron burr  
** Thank you

**fight me  
** if you had to choose

**aaron burr  
** I am not taking part in this conversation  
Bye, I have actual work to do

**dosiaaa  
** you’re no fun  
bye dear x

**aaron burr  
** x

**get ur own dicc  
** you guys are gross

**dosiaaa  
** excuse me  
what about you and your partners

**get ur own dicc  
** here’s the difference: we’re cute

**better than you  
** can we all not

**dosiaaa  
** are you saying we should have a relationship goals competition

**jamesmadd  
** no one is saying that

**get ur own dicc  
** bring it

**angel  
** oh god

**disney god  
** rip us

**get ur own dicc  
** and this is me getting a headstart  
i am going to go have sex with my partners  
and you are going to sit in your dorm because your boyfriend asked you not to visit

**eliza  
** this seems like a very subjective competition is there a point scale or

**baguette fucker  
** can i just say i’m not the most comfortable having sex to win a competition

**fight me  
** i am  
~let’s get it on~

**disney god  
** honestly that just killed my libido

**get ur own dicc  
** @ laf you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with  
if it helps i am also doing this because i love you  
@ the rest let’s go  
suck it theo

**peggy  
** ooh noting partner’s boundaries and respecting them very nice

**dosiaaa  
** ahh but here’s the thing: i am not visiting my boyfriend because he asked me not to  
i am also respecting his boundaries too

**peggy  
** noted

**get ur own dicc  
** cool but i’m still going to get some  
bye

*

**angel  
** it is honestly a little weird that we are all technically waiting around for john to text back once he is done having sex

**baguette fucker  
** please i am waiting outside the bedroom at least you all are in your own dorms

**eliza  
** i’m not waiting

**angel  
** bitch i see you staring at your phone

**eliza  
** i am texting dad

**angel  
** oh  
tell him i said hi

**eliza  
** i will onCE HE FINISHES TEXTING ME BACK WHY IS HE SO SLOW

**peggy  
** it’s dad  
he texts slow  
that’s his thing

**eliza  
** hush let me complain  
you live with him you can just walk over and talk to him you don’t get it  
no one is going to drive for three hours to have a conversation

**peggy  
** technically when you guys came up to new york to drop me off you did drive three hours and talked to dad

**angel  
** yeah but we didn’t drive up there with the express intention just to talk

**peggy  
** dad says hi btw  
he also says he misses you

**eliza  
** we miss you too dad!!

**angel  
** you’re literally texting him eliza

**eliza  
** oh yeah

*

**fight me  
** we’re bAck

**ayyyymaria  
** kay

**fight me  
** no wait false alarm bye

**ayyyymaria  
** seriously

*

**aaron burr  
** What’s this about a competition

**better than you  
** your girlfriend said you were more #relationshipgoals than the poly squad so you’re all involved in a competition

**baguette fucker  
** you just said ‘the poly squad’ ha!

**better than you  
** we tried to stop them tho

**aaron burr  
** I call bullshit

**better than you  
** fine we are betting on the outcome

**peggy  
** you guys are literally part of judging process this is unethical

**dosiaaa  
** are you guys open to bribes

**peggy  
** cMON

**better than you  
** we could be

**peggy  
** FFS

**dosiaaa  
** anyway aaron we have places to be

**aaron burr  
** We do?

**dosiaaa  
** yes i ran you a bath and i made you dinner

**aaron burr  
** Okay dinner I understand but where did you get the bath

**dosiaaa  
** don’t ask

**aaron burr  
** I am afraid

**dosiaaa  
** don’t be  
i have lush products on hand

**peggy  
** the pampering of the partner has been noted

**dosiaaa  
** ahem

**peggy  
** as well as the use of expensive bath products

**dosiaaa  
** thank you

**get ur own dicc  
** hey that’s unfair  
we don’t have a bath

**eliza  
** this is why this competition is too subjective

**dosiaaa  
** like you said earlier john  
s u c  k  i t

**get ur own dicc  
** oh it’s on

*

**h elp  
** _aaron burr, baguette fucker, disney god, fight me_

_aaron burr has created the group “h elp”_

_aaron burr has added baguette fucker to the group_

_aaron burr has added disney god to the group_

_aaron burr has added fight me to the group_

**aaron burr  
** Am I the only one who is slightly terrified

**fight me  
** i am having a hell of a time

**baguette fucker  
** i am slightly terrified yes  
but also slightly aroused because john came out of the bedroom, asked if i was okay, asked if i was okay with making out, and then proceeded to make out with me

**disney god  
** jealous

**aaron burr  
** TMI

**baguette fucker  
** consent is sexy

**fight me  
** and also necessary

**disney god  
** that

**aaron burr  
** So you’re all okay with this

**baguette fucker  
** well i’m not exactly chill with all of it  
but hey if it means john is an especially nice boyfriend and taking the extra effort to plan dates i’m great

**disney god  
** you should talk to john about that

**baguette fucker  
** oh no we did  
after the make out session i said i was uncomfortable with certain things and he said that was okay and he would make sure to check in with all of us before every other thing

**fight me  
** does that win points

**aaron burr  
** It really shouldn’t, it’s kind of the basic decent thing to do

**fight me  
** true

**baguette fucker  
** speaking of which we have to go because john is taking us out

**disney god  
** we’re going to this dessert place cross town  
bye aaron

**aaron burr  
** Bye

*

**the squad**   **  
**_aaron burr, angel, ayyyymaria, baguette fucker, better than you, disney god, dosiaaa, eliza, fight me, get ur own dicc, jamesmadd, peggy_

**aaron burr  
** Well this is slightly awkward

**jamesmadd  
**??  
what happened

**disney god  
** apparently theo and aaron took a walk after dinner

**baguette fucker  
** as did we

**fight me  
** and now john and theo are glaring at each other in the middle of the street

**aaron burr  
** A lot of people are staring

**disney god  
** is there a time frame for this competition  
as in when it ends

**peggy  
** idk midnight?

**dosiaaa  
** three hours  
that’s more than enough time

**get ur own dicc  
** judges you are keeping track right

**peggy  
** well i am but thomas and james are nOt  
they’re dirty and take bribes

**jamesmadd  
** that we are

**get ur own dicc** _ **  
**_ what would it take to win

**dosiaaa  
** scared, john?  
you relying on bribes to win

**get ur own dicc  
** please i could blow you out of the water without bribing anyone

**peggy  
** t-MINUS three hours guys

**dosiaaa  
** bye john

**get ur own dicc  
** bye theo

**angel  
** there is too much sexual tension there between the two of you

**dosiaaa  
** wHAT EW NO

**get ur own dicc  
** I AM GAY AND I FIND THAT OFFENSIVE

**angel  
** i’m kidding i just wanted to freak all of you up

**peggy  
** just get on with the competition guys

*

**h elp  
** _aaron burr, baguette fucker, disney god, fight me_

**aaron burr  
** Just for reference  
Theo and I are going to Capital Wheel

**fight me  
** john bought us all ice cream and we’re just walking around  
correction: i am walking around  
i just turned around and john, herc and laf are making out against the side of a building

**aaron burr  
** Just think of the amount of germs on there

**fight me  
** cool cool but i am going to join them

**aaron burr  
** Okay bye

*

**Elizabeth Schuyler  
** _online_

why doesn’t james want to go out on a date with me

you asked him out on a date??

no?  
yes?  
idk

what did you say

“do you want to get dinner”

and what did he say

“not today sorry”

that’s not a no?  
that’s just him saying not today

but he usually says “yes”

so today’s an outlier  
just ask him another day  
and that was not you asking him out on a date

i asked him to dinner

that’s not a date  
i go get dinner with theo and aaron a lot but that’s not a date

i’ve never been rejected before

this isn’t even a rejection wyd  
and get used to it  
you two broke up  
you might face rejection at the end too

*

**the squad**   **  
**_aaron burr, angel, ayyyymaria, baguette fucker, better than you, disney god, dosiaaa, eliza, fight me, get ur own dicc, jamesmadd, peggy_

**peggy  
** TIME  
alright i see instagram posts from both sides nice touch  
theo and aaron: nice silhouette photo thing  
poly squad: nice squad photo

**dosiaaa  
** thank you

**get ur own dicc  
** thank you judges

**jamesmadd  
** we have noted your respecting of your boyfriends’ boundaries

**better than you  
** the pampering

**jamesmadd  
** the homemade meal

**better than you  
** your date at the ferris wheel

**jamesmadd  
** and the silhouette photo with a cheesy caption

**peggy  
** and now for the poly squad

**better than you  
** we have noted you guys having sex

**jamesmadd  
** the multiple rounds were noted too

**better than you  
** the respecting of lafayette’s boundaries were also noted

**jamesmadd  
** as was the makeout session

**better than you  
** the date at the dessert place is noted

**jamesmadd  
** the public making out session is noted

**better than you  
** as is the final squad photo

**peggy  
** that photo is really funny btw

**get ur own dicc  
** thank you

**disney god  
** the stranger we asked seemed amused

**aaron burr  
** Ours just seemed traumatised having to take a picture of us kissing

**peggy  
** but this is not over  
we have yet to hear from our most important judges  
plot twist: highest percentages come from the dates themselves!!

**ayyyymaria  
** ooh good plot twist

**peggy  
** thanks babe **  
** we shall hear from aaron burr first  
aaron?

**aaron burr  
** I appreciate my girlfriend not showing up to my workplace like I asked  
The pampering was a nice touch, especially the Lush products, because that is expensive  
Dinner was great  
And I always enjoy dates with my girlfriend

**peggy  
** thank you aaron  
now we shall hear from alex

**fight me  
** john is great, the sex was great, the making out was great, and i love john

**peggy  
** short and simple

**better than you  
** funny, i’m used to alex being short  
not used to him being eloquent tho

**fight me  
** fight me

**peggy  
** children please  
hercules?

**disney god  
** john is lovely i enjoyed the dates and the planning he put into them

**peggy  
** anything else?

**disney god  
** nah i’m good

**peggy  
** alright, laf?

**baguette fucker  
** ngl i was uncomfortable at first but when i voiced that to john he was highly respectful and made it a point to check in with us before everything he did and during to make sure we were all okay so i’m good x

**get ur own dicc  
** x love you

**baguette fucker  
** love you too

**peggy  
** alright the Reviews are in thank you contestants

**eliza  
** can i just say this competition was really weird and skewed because this is just one night and that is not an accurate judgment of #relationshipgoals

**peggy  
** noted

**angel  
** can i also say that the boundaries thing should not earn points because that is the basic decent thing to do

**peggy  
** that too is noted  
rIGHT

**dosiaaa  
** we totally won

**get ur own dicc  
** no we did

**dosiaaa  
** no we did

**get ur own dicc  
** no we did

**dosiaaa  
** no WE did

**get ur own dicc  
** NO WE DID

**eliza  
** CAN YOU BOTH NOT  
you shouldn’t be competing to be the better partner over the course of one day this should be consistent behaviour!!  
and we shouldn’t be pitting couples against each other  
all of you are so so lucky to have partners who love and care about you and that should be what’s important  
not some stupid competition  
just love your partner to the best of your ability

**angel  
** ,,,  
that was a beautiful speech

**jamesmadd  
** truly inspiring

**get ur own dicc  
** okay but who won tho

**eliza  
** i

**fight me  
** hold up i gotta take a call

**dosiaaa  
** it’s clearly us

**get ur own dicc  
** no it’s clearly us

**eliza  
** did you two not hear my speech  
is white noise just emitting from my mouth or

**jamesmadd  
** i think theo won

**better than you  
** cmon the poly squad clearly had a better time

**baguette fucker  
** you’re finally accepting the poly squad as our name

**angel  
** i liked theo’s date

**ayyyymaria  
** i liked the poly squad’s date

**peggy  
** i’ll keep that in mind

**baguette fucker  
** my twitter mutual said our date was better

**dosiaaa  
** why are you talking to your twitter mutual

**fight me  
** john

**get ur own dicc  
** more people are clearly on my side

**fight me  
** john

**dosiaaa  
** this is unfair and bias you can’t listen to laf’s mutual that’s a conflict of interest

**fight me  
** jOHN

**get ur own dicc  
** yes?

**fight me  
** that was washington  
he was calling about your interview  
it’s happening next week

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know who you think won! Also, casually describe your dream date below, if you're down with that.
> 
> This chapter was really fun to write?? I think I actually had something else planned but it just came to me mid-word and here we are. I also thought I was writing really fast but then I still took like two plus hours so.
> 
> I've finished Stranger Things and by the time I publish this, I will be done with Luke Cage as well. I am super gay for Claire Temple. If you wanna come chat with me about it, my tumblr will be linked in, like, a few sentences.
> 
> Also, Citrine by Hayley Kiyoko is really gay. I really like it.
> 
> Ah yes, here it is. My fandom tumblr is [here](http://bisexualexhamilton.tumblr.com) and my writing tumblr is [here](http://covetsubjugation.tumblr.com). Come say hi!
> 
> See you soon!


End file.
